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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27189065">Dramaturgy</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Razail/pseuds/Razail'>Razail</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Fate/Grand Order, Fate/stay night &amp; Related Fandoms</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Comfort, Gen, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Introspection, Other, Yan Qing interlude spoilerish</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 04:06:47</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>690</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27189065</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Razail/pseuds/Razail</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Recently I've been wanting to explore more of the fgo masters mental space. It's something simple but it's been completed for far too long so I decided to just post it. Whether it's about the reader or not is up to the reader to decide.<br/>Who best to talk to about not being comfortable in your own skin with than Yan Qing?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Fujimaru Ritsuka/Yan Qing | Assassin, Yan Qing | Assassin/Reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Dramaturgy</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>In the dimly lit bedroom in the wee hours of the morning, thoughts wandered so easily into a mind plagued with doubts. The last mage still remembered the time they were kidnapped by the man holding them now. Well it wasn’t him but in some ways it was, they supposed. The Assassin of Shinjuku, they could almost pity the man switching form after form, the concept of self becoming so blurred and hazy.  Although in a way it felt as if they could almost relate. They couldn’t remember who they were before this. Their personality feels so fragmented- disjointed. Who they were ‘before’ and who they were ‘now’. They didn’t know the before and everything they do now feels fake because of it. How they talked with friends, they couldn’t recall other than that it most certainly wasn’t about battle tactics. What was important to them other than surviving and trying to make sure everyone else does? Was this how that man turned into what he was? What was important to him? Could he remember?</p>
<p>“How do you think he dealt with it?” A small voice, one that the assassin was unused to, left them. “-Doppelganger that is. Wearing all those faces...” Saying it like that things clicked for them. How it could sometimes feel as if they indeed were the same. Slowly going out of their mind trying to be someone that they’re not, or at least what they didn’t think they were. </p>
<p>Before they could sink any further the man behind them hummed. Whether in acknowledgment or contemplation they couldn’t guess. “I can’t say for sure but from my experience, he never let them go.” Yan Qing leaned forward to rest his head upon their shoulder, adjusting his grip around their waist. The movement caused strands of silken hair to caress their neck. It wasn’t quite grounding as it made their skin burn but it made them feel something at least.</p>
<p>“Was it because he felt that he should keep them to atone? Like bearing your burdens sort of deal. Or was it because he actually couldn’t? His saint graph wasn’t totally you so he didn’t have the ability to do so maybe?”</p>
<p>“Who knows.” As he talked his words reverberated through them both. The mage realized why he pulled them closer, as his words now became a more grounding force. “To me it’s acting. I’m still me clearly but I’m playing their role. Like I’ve read their script and can perform them to the highest degree. The way I see it, it’s natural to shed the roles you’ve played. Throughout life you are constantly changing and shedding who you were yesterday. It’s alright to not be sure of who you truly are so long as you remain honest in your actions. As that’s who you truly are.” </p>
<p>Sometimes Yan Qing’s intuition was too sharp. As much as they were thankful, the raw feeling in their chest still hurt. But they can relate to that notion. With life and death on the line they were stripped to the bare bones of what can be considered them. The barest concept of who they were fell through the cracks to form who they are today. A rough fall, or perhaps climb, that push to shed frivolous trivialities and anxieties. But they survived, despite how unwritten they feel.</p>
<p>A different tone cut through their loud thoughts. “Besides I’m not even the me that the summoning system thinks was me in my prime. I’m similar but not quite the same. And that’s alright.” He takes a small moment and they can almost feel the smug radiating off of him. But it was what was needed as they could also feel normalcy settling back into place. “As I know you can appreciate, I’m far more handsome and talented of course.”</p>
<p>A small laugh finally found a way out. There’s their Yan Qing. “Of course.” The mage finally moved, gently stretching as their hands reached out to hold onto his arms around them. The contact making them release a sigh they didn’t know they had. “What would I ever do without my picaresque assassin?”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>A friend and I started a discord server. It's small but we're hoping to create a place for artists and writers to help motivate and fuel each other. Due to some of our works it is an 18+ server. It's primarily an FGO server but all are welcome! https://discord.gg/rx6SM2Q</p></blockquote></div></div>
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